The "Double-Jump" Principle

     I know it’s been a little bit since my last post but a lot has been going on. Heartache and challenges have been the theme of my life lately, but I would be truly ungrateful indeed if I didn't openly recognize the blessings I have had in my life. Yesterday I came to learn of what I can only deem as the "Double-Jump" principle.

     For people who don't know, from time to time I like to play video games. I try to limit it to playing with friends from my childhood or to blow off some steam after a rough day at work. In one of the games I have played lately, you can initiate a "double-jump". The idea is that, when trying to clear a gap, you can jump, and then when necessary, you can press the jump button again and initiate a second jump while still mid-air. This allows the player to make it over longer distances, or achieve greater heights than with an ordinary jump action. This may seem to be a simplistic game feature, but it takes a lot of practice to master it. In fact, if you do not initiate the "double-jump" at the precise moment or in an exact way, you will not make it to your destination. This results in death or losing large amounts of progress.

     Boring, I know. But this does have a point. There have been times over the last 4 months where I have taken a leap, seemingly off a proverbial cliff, and not felt like I could clear the gap. To be more accurate, when jumping, sometimes I felt as if I could not see my destination. I would be jumping blindly and scared. I have noticed that this has happened enough times lately that such occurrences are not coincidental. Having recognized this idea and how it has blessed my life, I would like to share a few examples in hopes that you too would benefit from my experiences.
 
     The first instance was when, about a month ago, I was in a very dark place. Without divulging too many details, I was devoid of hope. I had just been given some news of a very depressing nature. I was supposed to go to the Temple (a Holy House in our faith where Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints members can be close to God and meditate amongst other things) with a dear friend. After hearing the disheartening news, I was distraught. I tried to pray, but without avail. I was in a dark pit, and had relented to accept the fact that I was not going to get out. I used this frustration and anger to inform my friend that I was not going with him the next day. Upon hearing this, he bore his testimony and earnestly pleaded with me to go, but I still refused. He finally made me promise that I would at least text him the next morning if that was still my decision. I promised I would but didn't intend to. I went home that night, and after yelling at God in frustration, I went to bed, sobbing. The next morning I woke up to my alarm. The first thought I had was that I was tired and still frustrated. So I fell back asleep. I apparently hit the snooze button because after 15 minutes, my alarm went off again. This time I woke up with a very distinct feeling. It said: "Brett, Faith and Obedience is sometimes doing what you don't want to do, but doing it anyways because you know it’s the right thing.” I knew that if I needed to be anywhere that morning, it was at the temple. I needed direction and hope. So, I texted my friend that I would be going with him. He came over to pick me up. I was still feeling discouraged so I asked him for a blessing (Worthy men in our church who hold the priesthood can offer blessings of comfort to alleviate the emotional/spiritual pains that we sometimes suffer). I felt much better afterwards, but was still a little off. After arriving in Boston, we entered into the temple. Typically, the temple is a great place to feel close to God from the moment you walk in, but I did not. It wasn't until I had been inside for a while that I was able to feel a reassurance from God that He was there, that he cared about me, and He knew about my situation. Without going into detail, I had my heart’s deepest concerns and questions answered. I left the Temple that day feeling fulfilled and whole again.


     The second instance was last week. I had my boys with me and we had a great time. We watched some of their favorite movies, played games, and stayed up a little too late eating ice-cream. It was a truly wonderful time. We woke up the next morning and began our day. Because of some of the circumstances in my life, my son Wyatt, got really upset and started crying. This wasn't some "overtired" or "childish" crying. This was sincere pain and anguish of his tender little heart. Due to my circumstances, I was very upset at God. I have a bad tendency to miss direct my anger or frustration towards Him. Nevertheless, I was still upset. I could see and understand why God had allowed my life to become what it was, and to suffer the pains and consequences I was going through, but could not understand why He would allow my son, innocent as he is, to go through pain. Wyatt, if you have ever met him, is the cutest, nicest little boy. He comes up to me all the time telling me he wants to be a missionary someday. He sometimes will stop whatever he is doing to tell me and those around him that he loves them. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a loving and wonderful little boy. He was hurting, and as his father I was powerless to help him in anyway. I started to question the nature of God. I was struggling to accept that, if there was a God that He would allow for my son to hurt so much. It wasn't like Wyatt had done anything to deserve or warrant this pain. So, if God loves us as we are always told, why would He allow this to happen? I struggled with this for a couple of days. In the midst of my struggle and my own pain, another member of my congregation called me, sensing I was having a hard time. I expressed my frustration to her. She responded that she knew that God loves us and that she didn't always understand why God allows bad things to happen to people who don't necessarily deserve it, but that it was for a reason and that someday we will know what that reason is. I at the time could not be comforted. Knowing, however, that she had great faith, and knowing my great love and respect for her, it softened my heart enough to cling to the edges of her faith. This sustained me until the following night when I was reading from a General Conference talk by Boyd K. Packer entitled, The Witness. Within this talk, He explains that he knows from personal experience that God lives and loves us. He testified of the divinity of Christ and finally retold an account from the New Testament. He told of the time when Christ had finished speaking with his disciples and after speaking with them, most of the disciples departed from Him. Christ then turned to his apostles and asked. "Will ye leave also?" And Peter responded: "Lord, where wouldst we go? Thou hast the words of eternal life." This really hit home for me. When I was distraught, I figured that I COULD just give up and live a "worldly" life-style or act as if there was no God to be accountable to. But what would that profit me? Maybe a little more short-termed excitement or pleasure. But choosing to persevere and continue on in faith would give me an opportunity to gain the words of Eternal Life. I decided from that time on that I would be ok with suffering now and then if it meant that something far greater was in store for me later.

    

     The most recent incident was this week. I just moved my home in Augusta, back into the same room I lived in growing up in high-school. This was really hard. As I packed up the pieces of my life in Augusta, piled them into boxes and then into the moving truck, I was at an all-time low emotionally. I got to Belfast and started to unload the truck. The first box I carried up the stairs to my room, sat the box down by the side of my bed, hit my knees, and started to cry. I had graduated in 2004. In my mind, the past 10 years had come full circle. I did not feel like anything I had done in the previous 10 years had mattered and that I was starting all over again. With every box I brought into the house, I felt like I was dying a little more and more. This was especially hard because some great members of the congregation in Belfast had shown up to help me move in. Being as depressed as I was, I couldn’t even thank my own mother who had worked so diligently to prepare a place for me there. She had worked so hard and I couldn't even muster the strength to thank her for all her hard work. After everything had been settled in, I fell down on my new bed and began to cry, again. I started to text one of my two best friends. He has been someone who has constantly been there to send me a text, recommend an inspiring talk, or simply listen to my late night rants of frustration. He gave some words of wisdom, as he always has, I felt a little better and then fell asleep. I was physically tired, and emotionally sapped of all my energy. After a short nap, I woke up after dark and decided I was going to go out and drive around. I went to Hannaford, seemingly the only store open in Belfast past eight. I went in, bought a drink and something to snack on. I left and began to drive again. As I was leaving the parking lot, I saw someone I thought I had recognized. This turned out to be a member of the Belfast congregation that I had met awhile back. I pulled over, and began to talk to him and his wife. We ended up talking for a few hours and felt so much better about the decision and life circumstances that led me to move to Belfast. I had a rejuvenated sense of purpose and confidence in the future. I slept that night better than I could have imagined.

     So, how does this tie in at all to my "double-jump" theory? I learned that in each of the previous incidents, I had either jumped or been pushed off a ledge. I could not see where I was supposed to land, or even if there was a place to land. In each of these instances, I had to be bolstered up by someone just long enough to make it to my destination. My friend who was there for me while I was debating whether or not to go to the temple, the woman who bore her testimony to me before I could be inspired to read that talk about the nature of God, and finally, my friend who has been there for me all along to let me borrow his strength before I could have the conversation which left me feeling purpose in my life-changing move to Belfast. Of course, the landing zone in each of these situations was where I needed to end up, but I would not have made it to these places if I had not had the benefit of a "double-jump". These individuals helped me get from where I was to where I needed to be by pushing, pulling, carrying me during the hard times. What they did was nothing extravagant, nor earth shattering. They were simple acts of kindness and support that I received in the moment I needed them. Through these people, the Lord was able to get me from A to B. I have learned over the past few months that the Lord will not "leave us comfortless." Sometimes He will let us jump into the darkness, and then will allow us to freefall for a bit. Sometimes we see the ground rushing up at us and we begin to fear that God has forgotten or forsaken us. This indeed tests our faith, but I have come to learn that He will never abandon us. There will ALWAYS be a landing zone. Sometimes we just need to have faith that even if we cannot see the place we want to end up right away, we can and will be upheld by Him long enough to make it there if we seek His help. I am so eternally grateful for the people who have been there to help me in the "in-between times" and am grateful to know that God is there and will always be there to help us in our times of need. I hope that each of you who currently struggle with this can benefit from my testimony. And to each of you who have been the device I used as a “double-jump”, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.