Thursday, May 8, 2014

A New Life, A New Start


A New Life, A New Start

I wanted to start his post with this quote because I know this to be true:

“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves we become - because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real personality of my own.”

― C.S. Lewis

A change in my life has been thrust upon me. I have tried my best to fight it, kicking and screaming as I am dragged into the night. I feel like I did when I had been misbehaving at church as a child. My mom or dad would only suffer it for so long before one of them would scoop me up and take me out back where an appropriate discipline would be ministered. Because I knew what was coming, I would make as much of a scene as I could while also expressing my genuine fear. This didn’t stop the discipline from coming, no matter how many times it happened. Right now, I am being picked up and taken to the “out back” in my life. I know the discipline is coming. And I have been fighting it with everything I have. I don’t want this pain; I don’t want to “learn this lesson.” The most difficult part of all of this for me is that when I was a child, I usually knew why I was being disciplined. And even though this knowledge didn’t remove the sting of discipline, it made sense and gave a sense of justice that was affixed to the misdeed I had committed. That’s not the case right now. I can’t see how this change in my life is the right thing for me. In fact, it feels like, and indeed is a big step back in my life. I have tried to do what God would have me to do. So why is this challenge being placed upon me? I don’t know. I can honestly say I have no idea. Lately, as was the case when I was a child, I have fought, screamed, and cried to keep from going through the inevitable pain that is coming. To quote Star Trek, “resistance is futile.” It would appear that I am somehow destined to crash into this trial in my life, no matter how much I try to pump the breaks or turn the wheel.

So what now? If I can’t get around the pain, I must try to get through it. A great leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints by the name of Richard G. Scott once said:

A key to improved prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the strength to fulfill it.

Should you ever feel distanced from our Father, it could be for many reasons. Whatever the cause, as you continue to plead for help, He will guide you to do that which will restore your confidence that He is near. Pray even when you have no desire to pray. Sometimes, like a child, you may misbehave and feel you cannot approach your Father with a problem. That is when you most need to pray. Never feel you are too unworthy to pray.

From this we gain 2 insights. First, that instead of asking “why does God hate me?” or “why can’t things be different?” It is better to ask, “What lesson does God have for me to learn from this?” or “How is my life being influenced that may be beneficial for me and my place in God’s plan?” Second, if it is our fault that we have fallen into these circumstances (whether recognize it or not), that we are not beyond forgiveness. If we are able to humble ourselves and pray for direction, we will get it, even in the storms of life.

So that’s where I am at. I am trying to brace for the inevitable impact of the change that I’m going through in my own life. I will be moving shortly, transferring the location of my job, relocating where I worship (the location, not the religion), saying goodbye to close friends and the stability of the life I once knew. I am hoping, praying, and trusting that God has a plan for me. One step in front of the other, or as Dori from Finding Nemo would say, “Just keep swimming.”

I would like to express my gratitude for my friends and family. Everyone who has been there for me lately, whether friends or family, at church or work, across the country or right here in town, working 70 hour weeks or retired, have all been there for me more than I could have ever known. The kind words, the prayers, the fasting, the hugs, the listening ears, the counsel, the laughs (which sometimes had to be force fed to me when I needed to laugh), the “Bro-Dates” as I have deemed them, and many other precious times, moments, or gestures have all been crucial in my survival of the past few months. I am so thankful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who cares for me, and equally grateful for all of the people He has placed in my life to be his “Ministering Angels.” Even in those most discouraging of moments when it was very easy for me to be angry at God for not stepping into my life and changing my circumstances, these ministering angels have been there to lift and uphold me. From late night phone calls, to spontaneous visits, from text messages of encouragement to the lending of encouraging books and other literature, from long car rides to Boston to sitting with me for hours in silence in my living room, many of you reading this have emotionally put me on your backs and carried me through. I thank you, and I know our Heavenly Father thanks you and will bless you for your service you have offered me. Matthew 25:45 reads: “Then shall he answer them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.” I am not simply pandering; I truly mean it from the bottom of my heart: I love you all and will never be able to thank you enough nor repay you for what you have done for me. May it seem great or small in your eyes, what you did for me was essential to my survival, be it spiritually, emotionally, physically, or mentally. As I told one of you recently, “There must be a God, because if there wasn’t, I would not be fortunate enough to have all of you in my life.” I only hope to someday return the favor and be a helpmeet to any of you that may need it. Just know I am here for you always. I owe you all big-time!

I am determined to let the Lord make the most of me that He can. I know that only through him can I be everything that He created me to be. And although I am unsure and uneasy of what my future holds, I know that between God, all of you, and to the countless others who will never read these posts, I have the support I need to make it through anything and achieve my goal of becoming that which God wants me to become.

 The following video and story is one of the hardest but greatest lessons any of us could learn on this subject. I hope you can watch it and enjoy it. I know I have, even if living the lesson is easier than simply listening to it. (The video is only a condensed 3-minute version, so if you only have time for that, watch the video. Otherwise, read the whole talk, its awesome!)


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