A New Life, A New Start
I wanted to start his post with this quote because I know
this to be true:
“The more we let God take us over, the more truly ourselves
we become - because He made us. He invented us. He invented all the different
people that you and I were intended to be. . .It is when I turn to Christ, when
I give up myself to His personality, that I first begin to have a real
personality of my own.”
― C.S. Lewis
A change in my life has been thrust upon me. I have tried my
best to fight it, kicking and screaming as I am dragged into the night. I feel
like I did when I had been misbehaving at church as a child. My mom or dad
would only suffer it for so long before one of them would scoop me up and take
me out back where an appropriate discipline would be ministered. Because I knew
what was coming, I would make as much of a scene as I could while also
expressing my genuine fear. This didn’t stop the discipline from coming, no
matter how many times it happened. Right now, I am being picked up and taken to
the “out back” in my life. I know the discipline is coming. And I have been
fighting it with everything I have. I don’t want this pain; I don’t want to “learn
this lesson.” The most difficult part of all of this for me is that when I was
a child, I usually knew why I was being disciplined. And even though this
knowledge didn’t remove the sting of discipline, it made sense and gave a sense
of justice that was affixed to the misdeed I had committed. That’s not the case
right now. I can’t see how this change in my life is the right thing for me. In
fact, it feels like, and indeed is a big step back in my life. I have tried to
do what God would have me to do. So why is this challenge being placed upon me?
I don’t know. I can honestly say I have no idea. Lately, as was the case when I
was a child, I have fought, screamed, and cried to keep from going through the
inevitable pain that is coming. To quote Star Trek, “resistance is futile.” It
would appear that I am somehow destined to crash into this trial in my life, no
matter how much I try to pump the breaks or turn the wheel.
So what now? If I can’t get around the pain, I must try to
get through it. A great leader of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day
Saints by the name of Richard G. Scott once said:
A key to improved
prayer is to learn to ask the right questions. Consider changing from asking for the things you want to honestly
seeking what He wants for you. Then as you learn His will, pray that you will be led to have the
strength to fulfill it.
Should you ever feel
distanced from our Father, it could be for many reasons. Whatever the cause, as
you continue to plead for help, He will guide you to do that which will restore
your confidence that He is near. Pray even when you have no desire to pray. Sometimes, like a child, you may misbehave
and feel you cannot approach your Father with a problem. That is when you most
need to pray. Never feel you are too unworthy to pray.
From this we gain 2 insights. First, that instead of asking
“why does God hate me?” or “why can’t things be different?” It is better to
ask, “What lesson does God have for me to learn from this?” or “How is my life
being influenced that may be beneficial for me and my place in God’s plan?”
Second, if it is our fault that we have fallen into these circumstances
(whether recognize it or not), that we are not beyond forgiveness. If we are
able to humble ourselves and pray for direction, we will get it, even in the
storms of life.
So that’s where I am at. I am trying to brace for the
inevitable impact of the change that I’m going through in my own life. I will
be moving shortly, transferring the location of my job, relocating where I
worship (the location, not the religion), saying goodbye to close friends and
the stability of the life I once knew. I am hoping, praying, and trusting that
God has a plan for me. One step in front of the other, or as Dori from Finding
Nemo would say, “Just keep swimming.”
I would like to express my gratitude for my friends and
family. Everyone who has been there for me lately, whether friends or family,
at church or work, across the country or right here in town, working 70 hour
weeks or retired, have all been there for me more than I could have ever known.
The kind words, the prayers, the fasting, the hugs, the listening ears, the
counsel, the laughs (which sometimes had to be force fed to me when I needed to
laugh), the “Bro-Dates” as I have deemed them, and many other precious times,
moments, or gestures have all been crucial in my survival of the past few
months. I am so thankful for my knowledge of a loving Heavenly Father who cares
for me, and equally grateful for all of the people He has placed in my life to
be his “Ministering Angels.” Even in those most discouraging of moments when it
was very easy for me to be angry at God for not stepping into my life and
changing my circumstances, these ministering angels have been there to lift and
uphold me. From late night phone calls, to spontaneous visits, from text
messages of encouragement to the lending of encouraging books and other
literature, from long car rides to Boston to sitting with me for hours in
silence in my living room, many of you reading this have emotionally put me on
your backs and carried me through. I thank you, and I know our Heavenly Father
thanks you and will bless you for your service you have offered me. Matthew 25:45 reads: “Then shall he answer
them, saying, Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the
least of these, ye did it not to me.” I am not simply pandering; I truly
mean it from the bottom of my heart: I love you all and will never be able to
thank you enough nor repay you for what you have done for me. May it seem great
or small in your eyes, what you did for me was essential to my survival, be
it spiritually, emotionally, physically, or mentally. As I told one of you
recently, “There must be a God, because if there wasn’t, I would not be
fortunate enough to have all of you in my life.” I only hope to someday return
the favor and be a helpmeet to any of you that may need it. Just know I am here
for you always. I owe you all big-time!
I am determined to let the Lord make the most of me that He
can. I know that only through him can I be everything that He created me to be.
And although I am unsure and uneasy of what my future holds, I know that between
God, all of you, and to the countless others who will never read these posts, I
have the support I need to make it through anything and achieve my goal of
becoming that which God wants me to become.
The following video
and story is one of the hardest but greatest lessons any of us could learn on
this subject. I hope you can watch it and enjoy it. I know I have, even if
living the lesson is easier than simply listening to it. (The video is only a
condensed 3-minute version, so if you only have time for that, watch the video.
Otherwise, read the whole talk, its awesome!)
https://www.lds.org/new-era/1973/01/the-currant-bush
- Written Message
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