Change

Why should people change? What does it take for a person to change? These are questions I have been pondering a lot about lately. Maybe the most important question that needs to be answered first is if a person can truly change at all. The saying "a tiger cannot change his stripes" is often used to describe people who have made an attempt to change, but either fell short or went back to being the way they were before. We have all seen people who have tried to be better or improve and have failed. These people may have an addiction that is terribly difficult to overcome and fall short time and time again when trying to break the addiction. Some people believe that they are fine the way they are and there isn't anything that needs to be changed, while others feel that the work required to change outweighs the benefits so they don't try. Others still may feel like to change would be to lose a part of who they are, or to somehow forfeit their identity. The last one I personally have heard numerous times when I have expressed my desires to change myself. These friends and family seem to think that by changing myself, I somehow will no longer be the same person. It seems that most people believe that at some point, sooner or later, we achieve the epitome of who we are. Further, that once we have reached this "apex", to change anything more than a minor detail about ourselves would result in losing a critical part of our personality or identity. Somehow, we resign to the idea that "we are who we are" and we stop trying to improve. We become prideful. In one recent address, one of the leaders of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day saints shared a story that paints a good picture of one such instance of pride and the limiting power thereof. Donald L. Hallstrom shares:

Several decades ago I was serving as a bishop. Over an extended period I met with a man in our ward who was many years my senior. This brother had a troubled relationship with his wife and was estranged from their children. He struggled to keep employment, had no close friends, and found interaction with ward members so difficult he finally was unwilling to serve in the Church. During one intense discussion about the challenges in his life, he leaned toward me—as his conclusion to our numerous talks—and said, "Bishop, I have a bad temper, and that’s just the way I am!"

That statement stunned me that night and has haunted me ever since. Once this man decided—once any of us conclude—"That’s just the way I am," we give up our ability to change. We might as well raise the white flag, put down our weapons, concede the battle, and just surrender—any prospect of winning is lost. While some of us may think that does not describe us, perhaps every one of us demonstrates by at least one or two bad habits, "That’s just the way I am."

I found this story to be both troubling, and familiar. I could relate because I recently was in a pit of anger and frustration. While in this pit, I did not want to change at first because I was hurt and felt like didn't need to change. Then when faced with the reality that I needed to change, I felt like it would be too hard for me to change, to soften my heart. Like the man in the story, I had consigned myself to the idea that I was beyond change, and beyond help. I felt that even if I could change, that somehow I was conceding my justified feelings in the dispute and would, therefore, be lesser of a person. The irony of the situation was that only AFTER I decided to forgive, to change myself, was I able to become more of a unique and fulfilled person.

I want to share a personal experience I had the other day. I went out with some missionaries for our church and we had 2 appointments. When we met with the first person, he shared with us that he did not have a relationship with God. He told us that "he and God had decided to be seperate and do their own things." He did not deny that there was a God, even going so far as to say he believed very strongly in God. When one of the missionaries asked him if he ever wondered about what would happen to him after this life, he replied that he didn't think anything he did here would influence that and "he and God would sort that out at that time." The first man had decided that he didn't see a need, nor have any desire, to change. In bright contrast, the second appointment we had was with a younger guy. This man was willing to change. We talked to him about some of the things we know God wants us to do in this life (keep the commandments, go to church, say prayers, etc. etc.). Unlike the first gentleman, this man was eager to learn what God wanted him to do, and was then willing to change to please God. And some of the things we were asking him were not easy. Regardless of the difficulty of the task, the second man was willing to change. That wasn't the only difference I saw between the two men. The second man had a certain happiness to him that the first man lacked. The first man, although successful in sense that he had money and notoriety, was poor as to a confidence in his relationship to God. The seconed man, although seemingly lesser off financially or otherwise, had a richer and deeper relationship to God. What an amazing contrast between these two men.

I know that anyone one of us can change. In reality, from our earliest years of life, we are constantly changing. This process starts to slow down and eventually come to a stop. Why does it have to stop? Are anyone of us perfect? Shouldn't we want to be perfect? Shouldn't becoming our best selves be the goal of our lives? If we smoke, shouldn't we try to stop? If we have an addiction, shouldn't we fight that addiction and free ourselves of our dependancy upon anything we cannot choose to go without? If we have bad relationships with people, shoudln't we try to repair them? There is something everyone of us can, and absolutely should change for the better about ourselves. Not one of us is perfect, but I feel that we ought to at least try. Changing our flaws into strengths doesn't minimize our individuality, but enhances it. Settling with our flaws or sins will only lead us into "the norm" and will remove our identity. Neal A. Maxwell once said:

"Sin, on the other hand, brings sameness; it shrinks us to addictive appetites and insubordinate impulses. For a brief surging, selfish moment, sin may create the illusion of individuality, but only as in the grunting, galloping Gadarene swine!
The prior quote is not meant to judge or reduce the person who is in a rut or is trying to change themselves, but rather describe the individuals who are content to live in the imperfect state that they find themselves in."



There is a myriad of reasons why we should change. Seeing a desire to change doesn't mean we hate ourselves, or we must focus on the negative. Rather, admitting we have something we need to change, and then actively pursuing that improvement makes us more like the people God wants us to be. I heard a quote once that went something like this: "Your life is God's gift to you. What you do with it, is your gift to God." If that is true, shouldn't our gift be the best thing we can give to Him? I am reminded of the parable in the New Testament where Jesus speaks about "Talents" from Matthew 25:14-28. A Talent is a sum of money. Without retelling the whole story, it can be summed up by saying that the "Lord" gives his servants varying amounts of money. The "Lord" then leaves and comes back. He finds that 2 of his servants used their money to increase their sum, while one took his money and hid it. The Lord congratulates the 2 servants who increased their sum, and condemns the one who did not so, calling him a "wicked and slothful" servant. So not only can we change, but God expects us to change. He does not expect us to sit back and let our qualities control us, but rather for us to control our qualities.



I want to share my testimony that we should change, and that we can change. It may seem impossible at times, I can attest to that from personal experience. But we can leave our past behind because of Jesus Christ and what He did for all of us. Anything is possible because of Him. And if we have people in our lives who are trying to change, let us support them, encourage them.



I want to close with another quote from another Church leader. His name is Jeffrey R. Holland and a few years back he shared a powerful talk on this subject. The climax of this talk resulted in the following statement:


"When something is over and done with, when it has been repented of as fully as it can be repented of, when life has moved on as it should and a lot of other wonderfully good things have happened since then, it is not right to go back and open up some ancient wound that the Son of God Himself died trying to heal."
"Let people repent. Let people grow. Believe that people can change and improve. Is that faith? Yes! Is that hope? Yes! Is it charity? Yes! Above all, it is charity, the pure love of Christ. If something is buried in the past, leave it buried."

I know we can all become better through Christ. We simply need to believe it and strive for it.