Perseverance and Hope

This is my first blog post so forgive me my weakness in writing. I have intended to write on a blog for multiple purposes. First, I have historically desired but never been successful in keeping a consistent journal. I am hoping that having something online where I can type will give me a better venue from the pen-and-pencil format that my hands ache at the very thought of. Second, there is a lot going on in my life that I would like to share with friends and family, but do not feel the need to burden people with lengthy Facebook posts and such. Third, I feel like it is important for all of us to share experiences with one another which the Lord has blessed us with for the uplifting and edifying of others. For these reasons, and others, I have chosen to start this Blog. It’s my intention that this Blog be as honest and open as possible. I hope you enjoy it and find it beneficial, whether that is simply by getting to know me a little better, or gleaning some spiritual truths as I discover them and share them. At a later time, I may find time to give you more of a back-story as to where my life has led me thus far. For today, I simply wanted to share my thoughts on Perseverance and Hope. To give you a small history on this lesson which I have learned, it would be helpful to know that I am not very good at sticking with things when they get tough. Not a quality I am proud of, but it’s the truth nonetheless. As a child, I was placed into piano lessons by my parents. I did not enjoy the piano at all. I would rather be outside playing sports, off goofing around with my friends, or home doing anything BUT practicing the piano. It was not that I didn’t like the sound of the piano. It was not that I didn’t admire people who could play the piano. My sister had a natural affinity for the piano and excelled at it. I simply did not take to it very easily and could not see how I could get from where I was to where I wanted to be. I was fortunate to have a mother that pushed me to try it again and again, but was also understanding to the point that after a few years of my complaining and lack of determination, allowed me to stop taking lessons. This unfortunately was the theme of my childhood and adolescent years. By the grace of God, I had a “knack” of many things relating to school and athletics. God blessed with me a lot of natural talent towards many things. This is not meant to be boastful, but to stress that I rarely chose to overcome my weaknesses when doing so would have blessed my life immensely. The best example I have from my life where I chose to overcome a weakness and succeed, from the few I have to choose from, is my pole-vaulting career. When I first moved to Maine from Oregon, I was interested in joining the track team because I was naturally good sprinter. My brother had pole-vaulted a little bit while he was in high school and I had chosen to try it out as an event. I still remember my first few weeks trying to pole-vault. I was not good at it. I could not seem to will myself over the bar. I would get there early, and stay late every day. I would watch my teammates, some of whom had been pole-vaulting for years. I tried and tried but could not get over the bar at its lowest point, which is 7 feet from the ground. I told myself that if I couldn’t get over the bar set at 7 feet on the day of the first track meet, I would give up on it forever. I don’t know why I had such a self-defeating attitude, but I did. For better or worse, coupled with that self-defeating attitude, I am also very stubborn. What this meant for me was that I went to the track at about 6 in the morning to practice when the meet didn’t start until about 10. I tried, and tried and tried. I couldn’t seem to make it over. However, just as people starting showing up to the track, I made it over. I was shocked, so I tried it again, and I made it over. I wasn’t perfect and had a lot left to learn, but I caught that excitement and knew I could make it. This desire to be better and excitement led me to become the State of Maine Pole-vaulting State Champion my senior year of high school. Once again, I do not say this to boast, but to convey of what I would have missed out on had I given up on pole-vaulting. This leads me to my life here and now. I am going through some really tough times, and without going into great detail, it is the single hardest thing I have ever had to face in my life. In fact, I think this single trial is harder than all the other trials, weaknesses, or other struggles I have faced combined. It has taken a toll on me physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. I have been tempted with the feeling of, “this is too hard” or “it would be easier if…” as ways to justify my giving up on this situation. And to be honest with you, it indeed would be 100 times easier to simply give up trying to overcome this and just give in and give up. I could move on and go forward with my life. I could “try new things that maybe I would be better at” instead of sticking it out. I have decided to choose the more difficult path because of promises I have made to my Heavenly Father. I had an experience a few days back I would like to share. I met with my local church leader at our local congregation. He and I were actively discussing the pros and cons of what possible decisions I could make at this point in my life. He is a very wise man and had great counsel to give. However, nothing he and I were talking about really struck me spiritually. Most of the discussion was based off logistics and my financial situation. These seemed to be the outlining problems that stemmed from my core problem: Did Heavenly Father actually ask me to do something that would be difficult and would not always be asked or expected of a typical church member in my shoes? Or did I just think it in my own head? We couldn’t really come to an answer by looking at the situation through the lens of logic. That is, until we were about to leave the church. I conveyed to him one final time that I didn’t understand why I felt this way, but that I needed to be sure and strong in what I felt. He said to me, “Brett, remember Joseph Smith when he said ‘I knew it, and I knew that God knew it, and I could not deny it, neither dared I do it; at least I knew that by so doing I would offend God, and come under condemnation.’” These words impacted me so strongly when I heard it that I knew the spirit was speaking to me. The spirit was telling me that I had indeed received an answer from the Lord and that I needed to stick the situation out. Even if doing so went against logic, ease, or comfort. I won’t go into details because I feel that the revelation I received was too sacred to me to share openly. Suffice it to say, what I heard and felt was something that went against what I had previously supposed to feel, and was even contrary to that which most of my friends and family would have advised. I have many great and wonderful friends and family members. Their counsel is priceless and full of love. But what I received from the spirit was the most important thing to me, and I am thankful for a wise bishop who reminded me of the direct line of communication and the need to stay loyal to that. So, to sum up, I am doing my best to persevere through this time of uncertainty and trial in my life. I am doing my best to have the hope and strength to carry me through this time. One of the Leaders of our church stated in a recent address: There may be times when we must make a courageous decision to hope even when everything around us contradicts this hope. That is what I am striving for. I am doing my best to be hopeful and courageous even when I am prone to give up and to doubt. I know that the road ahead of me is long and difficult. One of the best definitions I have ever heard of on courage is to know pain is coming, but that you can face that pain head on. I’m striving for courage. I pray for the strength that can only be gained by faith, after we have exercised faith in Him through obedience to his Word.